Not Ready

Today started off like any other day. I played with my kids, cleaned a little and just tried to relax. I just started reading a new book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. My best friend recommended it to me and I love it so far. I think that it is a good thing to read and I am already learning so much. Anyway, my day was just fine until about 8:30 pm came around. My recent ex sent me a text message saying that his father had passed away. I was not at all prepared for this. His father has been in poor health for a while now and has spent a lot of time in the hospital. That being said does not make anything easier. My heart truly goes out to Adam in this time. Even though things may not have worked out for us I still wish him the best. We still communicate because we have children together and that is the last thing that I wanted to hear from him. I loved his dad so much and he was always so kind and loving to me. My heart goes out to Adam and his family and I hope that they know I am here in there time of need. If anyone is listening please say a prayer for him and his family to help them all get through this horrible time.

Mikel Keith Smith; you will be missed!

Journal

It has been so long since I have had a new post. I know that I have a small amount of followers but I am still sorry if I disappointed any of you. I am ready to be back and to be a little different. I am going to write in my public journal once a week to share and vent to anyone who will listen. This is mostly a way to talk about what I am thinking and feeling but also so that maybe some of you will know that you are not alone with your thoughts and feelings.

I have made such a huge change in my life. Adam and I separated a couple of months ago. I moved back home with my parents and am on the market for a new home. I was putting a smile on my face for so long that I almost had myself fooled. I think this is what a lot of women do. Especially women that have children. I thought that as long as everyone else thought that I was happy that I would be happy myself and that all of the pain would just go away. It is so hard to look back and realize how long it had been since I had truly felt happiness. The kind of happiness that you can not live without.

There were so many days that I did not want to even get out of bed. I would just lay there in the morning trying to find a reason that seemed important enough to live for. Without my children this would have never happened. Everything happened so quickly. Even though it is hard at times to live with my mom and dad I am so grateful that they have accepted me and my children into their home.

Since I do not have a home of my own it is hard to create and make new things to show you guys. Hopefully I can find a way to be crafty and do a lot of fun things so that all of you have something to keep coming back for real soon. Thank you to anyone who is listening and if anyone wants to talk please feel free to send me and email anytime.